A Very Bad Year In Sports

So, basically all the sports teams that I like are sucking.

1. Seattle Seahawks –

Loudest Fans in the NFL

Now, I am from the Seattle area and I am FOR SURE the 12th Man, but holy fuck, guys. You may be starting to warm up in the season but it took you quite a while. TOO LONG. We basically got a complete MAKEOVER of players and coaches. This is good and also bad. We lost Matt Hasselbeck. People always complained that he was a bad Quarterback and was always out with injuries. Well I call bullshit. I do believe that the Titans are kicking some ass. Well, last I heard they were doing well, so OBVIOUSLY we were just spoiled with Hasselbeck.

2. Everett Silvertips –

We ❤ Lincoln!

This is a hockey team in the WHL consisting of guys like 16 years old and up. I was so excited for this season because we have Mitch Love, a LEGEN – wait for it – DARY Silvertips veteran as Assistant Coach. So you can see why I’m just A WE BIT PISSED OFF that they’re totally sucking. I expected more out of them, and out of Mitch Love.

3. Team Lowe’s in NASCAR –

Hendrick Motorsports

Ohh, how I adore Jimmie Johnson. He’s such a fun personality. Some people argue that NASCAR is not a sport, well I have three reputable sources to back me up that racing is in fact a sport:

  • Wikipedia refers to “Motorized racing” under the Sport page.
  • Google dictionary describes the word sport to be “An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others”. Notice that I’ve underlined the part that connects with racing. Don’t tell me racing doesn’t take skill, you don’t only turn left. If you say that, you just sound like an asshole. You have a lot to worry about. Acceleration, breaking, curves in the road, when to refill on gas, when to pit, where rubber or debris is on the road, other drivers and their positions, tire pressure, etc. (By the way, you can get any definition from Google by simply typing in “define: [your word here]”.)
  • Dictionary.com states that a sport is “an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature, as racing, baseball, tennis, golf, bowling, wrestling, boxing, hunting, fishing, etc.”. Now, I’m not sure if they meant racing on foot or what, but it works both ways (LOL).
Well, anyways. Jimmie didn’t win the Sprint Cup this year (that little bitch Tony Stewart did), but that’s fine since he won the 5 previous Cups all consecutively. That’s my boy!

 

4. Jason “Mayhem” Miller –

I'm a Mayhem Monkey!

Mayhem is a professional MMA fighter. He was once a very lovable and quirky host on MTV2’s Bully Beatdown. He was recently on The Ultimate Fighter Season 14 as a coach. As the season ended, the coaches of the two teams ( the other coach being fucktard Michael Bisping) would fight. Now, keep in mind that Mayhem hasn’t seriously fought for about 6 years, but he got his ass handed to him by the limey bastard. But the thing was, he was such an honorable loser. Even though every fucking person surrounding the octagon was booing at Bisping (because EVERYONE in the UFC hates his ass), Mayhem said something along the lines of  “Now, let’s just stop booing him for a second and give him a round of applause, he beat me in a fair fight.” So even though he lost, I like him even more now. He’s a cool guy. Check out his blog here.

The only upside was that Eastlake High School’s football team made it far into the playoffs and while the Wolves didn’t come out victorious from the Championships, all is well. At least I had one team doing great this year!

Onward Eastlake into the fray...

FYI, that splatter represents the spilled blood from our rival teams when we are victorious.

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